This weekend went pretty well, I felt a lot more truthful to myself as well as others. I am not going to say I didn't tell any lies, but I definitely made a concerted effort to be a more honest person. I somehow failed the fed ex personality test for my management position. I really wanted to lie about it, and just tell people I hadn't heard back, or they didn't tell me why I wasn't chosen, but instead I owned my mistake, and yes it sucks to have people joke about it, but that can just be motivation for me to get another job, and get back to school. Its time to stop pretending about myself, pretending everything is going to be ok, and that life will figure itself out. No it's time to stand up and own my mistakes and become something I can actually have pride in without lying. I don't want to fear my phone/e-mails anymore. I have been sleeping better. A lot better actually, I think that is because I am trying to maintain a sleep schedule, or at least sleeping once a day instead of 2 or 3 times. Ellen came over this weekend and we had a really great time at the Opera with my dad. My mom sang well, but that Opera was tragically low budget and sad. Oh well my mom did a damn good job and we were proud of her. Also my dad talked to me, which I was very glad for, I am planning on working for him this week to earn a little extra cash for the coming weekends. I am really starting to care a lot about Ellen, it really meant a lot that she stuck beside me so well after I lied to her for so long. Also she just makes me smile a lot. When I think of her I want to succeed to show her how well I can do. Today I start applying for other jobs. I am really looking to see what Pitt Ohio has to offer, 14 an hour would be really nice and help with the bills. I don't mind the hard work and the people at Fed Ex are getting to be a bit much. I am going to miss the guys I have become friends with. Dakota, Joe, Taylor, Ian, all of them I will miss dearly, Those guys make me feel like a good worker and a decent guy. There is an amount of mutual respect for anyone who can consistently work a job like that night after night and remain sane. (I know that doesn't quite describe me, but I don't know how else to explain it). Alright I am done here for now, I am off to start job apps and hopefully start moving on with my life.